I've come to the conclusion, that I’m not perfect. I never want to be, and that is ok.
Aj has taught me to accept this. That sometimes, things don't exactly go as we planned. That sometimes, it has to rain-so that you can appreciate all the beautiful days.
I want Aj to understand that we all come in different shades, different personalities, that there are no 2 people alike in the world...and that's what makes it so beautiful.
I am going to make mistakes as a parent...i accept this. And i embrace it. I want Aj to know that I am trying my best, that i am going to give him 100%, although sometimes I’m going to have my off days.
Yesterday, was an off Day...and Today (although, i'm at work), is another one of those, "OFF" days.
I'm ok with having a few of these days...I need them. I am ENTITLED to them.
They are making me stronger...and making me better. A better mother for Aj, and a better wife.
Yesterday, while attempting to clean the house, Aj decided he didn't want to take a nap...ALL DAY LONG. The kid was up for 17 hours STRAIGHT- No nap...and pure crankiness. I would move an inch, and he would start crying. And did i mention, he's crawling, everywhere now!?! I'm standing there doing the dishes, and he's grabbing my pants, hysterical crying-for NO REASON. I thought i was about to EXPLODE, i was tired, irritated and cranky and I WANTED A NAP!!!!!!!!! (this reminds me of the scene of Charlotte in Sex and the City Movie where she's crying in the pantry). I just needed a few minutes of NO CRYING baby---to just---regenerate...to just, breathe. I called my husband in tears. I needed a "mommy break". So he came home, and picked him up and went to a friend’s house for a bbq (that i was invited to, i just didn't go because i had a day). I sat there, for about 2 hours...playing with my phone, in my pj's. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to sit there...and just---BE.
I think it's ok to be in a funk once in a while. Yesterday (and today) are those FREE PASSES we- as mothers, wives, and daughters-are entitled to.
I love my boy so much, but Mommy needed a break. God bless all you single mothers out there...being a Mommy is hard! Not to mention, being a wife and Daughter all at the same time.