BS Shopping.

That's exactly what i like to call it, BS Shopping!! Because, it's BS! Ugh...It's that time of year again---where we have to shead all those awesome layers of clothes (love my long comfy sweatshirts and sweaters that hide the post pardum pooch)...and actually show people what we look like...underneath it all! Not looking forward to Aj's first swimming lesson next week....where i will expose it all!! I have been to a few places...trying to find a "Mom appropriate" bathing suit...and it's freaken HARD! My mind is playing tricks on me. I actually found myself going into the dressing room at Old Navy with a size SMALL...WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING.????????????????..I busted out in tears...the thing barely even came up one leg!!! I have come to the conclusion that my body is just not the same anymore...and i'm fine with that---the problem is...my mind doesn't believe it yet. Like i see a pair of pants, and i'll pick up the size 4...thinking---oh these are so cute, they will totally fit...and then---i'm sadly dissapointed in the dressing room! :(
My husband gave me the side eye the other day when i said "i think i need to get a one piece".  But, here me out...1 pieces can be sexy too.........right????!!!

Ladies, i need your help! I have exactly 5 days till Aj's first swim lesson and i'm at a standstill...

I need a flattering bathing suit---that doesn't make me look like i had twins...yesterday.
See here is the thing, i also got some major stretch marks...not on my stomach, but on my butt and upper thighs (Backside). The entire pregnancy i was like "HORRAY, NO STRETCH MARKS!"...BUT THEY WERE HIDING UNDER MY GYNORMOUS REAR END!! Once i could actually SEE what i looked like from behind, i was mortified!!!! Omg!! =(

I want to be a sexy Mom...yet, modest. SO, I started my google search "Modest bathing suits"....and here is what i get:

No.
just, No.
Say NO to prints. I mean, I already Look large and in charge, but prints? Really? That's just screaming..."HEY EVERYONE, LOOK AT ME!"..

NEXT:

WHAT THE? I AM ALSO NOT A WHALE, AND I WILL NOTTTTTTTTTTTT BE CAUGHT IN A SWIM DRESS! Absoultely Not.

Now i'm also wondering---will my "mom boobs" (6 months of bf-ing) look nice in a halter? Pre pregnancy---and pre Mom boobs, i loved halters because they enhanced my bust---not that i had any (i was barely an A)...but i loved that they did...somehow squish my non existant boobies together-to somehow create an illusion of cleavage! Now that i am a FULL C---pushing D..maybe i don't want to enhance anything. Any breastfeeding (or not) mom's have any issues with halters? I need hellllllllp!

This girl is flat chested---so does that mean that my C/D cup will look bad in this ?? Is it still a sexy suit? Or does it scream "HERE COMES MOM!??"

Or, should i just let it all hang out...and go 2 piece? I mean, i'm not HUGE! I'm a size 8 (this is actually very dissapointing, i used to be a 2/4 my entire life!).  I still want to be mommy friendly...and modest.

I'm liking the high waist suit....maybe that will help with the extra pudge i have around that area?

OR!!---a tankini??

Or ....1 piece?

Also, ladies---what are some colors that you would get? Again, don't want to attract TOO much attention to me!...the only good thing about this---i can always put the cute baby in front, and no one pretty much looks in my direction! LOL

So that's it.... only 5 days away from Swim class....