explosion of emotions and thoughts, & a cool diaper cream recipe!

I am starting to get a little nervous. I babysat my cousin's newborn on Saturday, and kept thinking to myself..."HOLY CRAP" is this going to me in a few weeks.
It's scary. I always thought of having a baby...but i don't think it freaked me out...quite like this. I don't think you really know how to react...it's such a beautiful thing, to bring something into the world...but very scary, since it will be my first time. Caring for a demanding newborn/infant...is much different than anything I've ever had to do...so I'm asking...are my feelings normal? I am actually so scared of the new 'change' that is going to take place...in my home...with my family...and with my husband and I.
Mr. Cole and i have such a great relationship. AT least, I'd like to think we do. We talk...we laugh, and we hardly ever argue. I mean, we are normal...we do have disagreements, but the past 9 months have been amazing. This 'thing' (yes, i said it...i called my unborn a thing!) growing inside me has awoken a different kind of love. A love that i never knew i had for him....and a love, I've never knew he had for me. We've been really great...at making decisions and planning. I never knew i could love him...more than the day i married him-but now, i love him a million times as much, maybe even more. Watching him care for me...and watching him care for someone he doesn't even know yet...and planning...and being excited...it's so amazing to have someone so supportive and loving. I don't know how Single Mothers (my mom) do it. Without the love and support of a partner. I love him more than anything...and it scares me that soon...this little person...will be the center of my life...

Am i normal? I know I'm going to be a great mother...but I'm nervous about the changes it's going to create in my marriage, with my family (mother/brother/sister in law/mother in law-etc.)...obviously a positive one...but still just a little scary that something is going to change. It's been about ME this whole time (or US)...and now, it's going to shift...in a good way...but still-is a little scary.
As i drive to work everyday (the past week or so), i look in my rear-view mirror, and think-in only a few weeks...there will be something permanently occupying the back seat. Something crying, sleeping, singing...and I'm nervous all over again. I know i can do it...it's not that i can't...it just kinda gives my heart a flutter...

Oh another note, I've been reading lots of things regarding homemade remedies for children...and ran across this blog. I found this awesome post about homemade Natural diaper cream and lotion. I think I'm going to try it...i just have to track down some of the ingredients. Have any of you ladies ever actually made something similar? Are any of you curious to make homemade/natural lotions soaps for your children?

Craiglisting for babies.

Searching for the perfect bedding has been quite a challenge.  I knew i wanted something that was gender neutral...and at the same time...not too theme-y. I didn't want Winnie the pooh or a cartoon character. SO, i decided to go geometric!
I was really into the Dwell Studio line...but not so into their price. I literally DROOLED over all their stuff! Then, i started craigslist-ing. At first, i was a little hesitant to buying 'gently' used bedding. After all, it's a NEW baby...and you obviously want everything NEW...i was just really in love with all of the shapes and colors from Dwell...and i knew...i had to have it.
Target has had lots Dwell...but none that i could say 'i love'...and still...a little pricey...for just a fitted, bumper, and comforter. A 3 piece set was $79 and technically it was a 2 piece set after hearing all of the Safety Alerts about bumpers. Yea, they look super cute, but do i really want to risk putting my child in a crib that can possibly suffocate on one!? Um...No.
So i was back to craigslist-ing.
I finally found a woman that was selling a complete Dwell set (fitted, skirt, comforter, bumper, added pillows) for $50. I emailed to ask the condition. She told me that she actually had never used the crib set because she had gotten it as a gift for her daughter, and they didn't know the gender so they decided to stay on the safe side and get yellow. When she was born...they went PINK crazy, and the first few months she didn't sleep in her crib...so by the time she did they had already purchased another set. I decided to go take a look, since...it sounded like a bargain. I really wanted to see in what condition the house was-because HEY YOU NEVER KNOW-THIS IS CRAIGSLIST. I do know that she had gotten this as a gift, and that a 340$ gift is a nice one, so i mean-she had to have a decent home. When i got there (i took my cousin with me-i always go on craigslist runs with people) i was pleasantly surprised. The home was immaculate...and everything was in the original packaging. She even threw in a few extra throw pillows and 2 additional fitted sets. I was in heaven! The things were washed, but definitely in perfect condition. Not a tare or stain in sight. I even scored an awesome high chair for $15!! And a rocking/glider for $40! i spent $105 for a glider, a dwell studio crib set (with additional things), and a high chair.

Now, i want to know your input. What are your feelings about Craigslisting for a baby? Are you opposed to it? Is it OK, if the stuff is in great/excellent condition?!!

this is the bedding, still in original packaging!

extra throw pillows for the room!!

Making a difference, already.

Last night was a memorable night for My husband and I. My family threw me a baby shower dinner party (for just family and close knit friends). I can honestly say, the night went off pefectly. First...i'd like to say, My husband and I both come from broken homes. I wouldn't say 'broken'...i guess, it sounds worse than it really is. We were both products of divorce...so we've technically had really difficult time when it comes to rounding up the troops.  There is always so much tention when it comes to seating arrangements and making people happy...so the past year and a half has been kinda difficult. From Bridal shower, to wedding, and now, baby shower.  It's so weird to put all these people in a room...who love us...and want to share in our joy...and for us to feel comfortable enough for them to all want to be in the same room together.  However, last night...was different....it wasn't about them---it was about him.

My mother has always been a very strong person. She's always been very stern...and hard...and serious. Well, at least---to the outside world. I guess maybe she's had to be that way...since she raised my brother and I...and she had to be both "Mom & Dad".
I'm sure it's never been easy...since my father and mother broke up when i was only 10 months old. As hard as it was...i guess, it sort of made her a very 'hard'. She was stone!  It's just been her way...and i never thought of it...until last night.
Last night, my mother was glowing. She was happy. I wasn't the only one who noticed it.  My mom actually laughed, and smiled...and was HAPPY. I think this baby is bringing something out of her...and he's not even here yet.  I think-this is the begining of something good....a place she's never been...a place of letting go...a place of being happy. She was able to be civil, although, she always was kinda 'ok' with being in the same room with my father-just--a little less serious, and a little more-'happy'. It was nice seeing my two 'seperate' families interact...and seeing their faces. They were all happy because of *Him*. He's already added so much happiness to our lives...and we havent' even met him.

I have decided that this is a big step for me. A big step to move in the right direction. A better *me*...to not be so SERIOUS...and be less DEMANDING and more HAPPY. Afterall, life is too short. Everyone who was part of our night---was supposed to be there.