Truth be told, I've got babies on my mind.
I know! I KNOW. Crazy!!! I don't know what's wrong with me!!??!! Is this what usually happens after you get married? Is this the part where...you finally get that "itch"...??
Here is the thing, Mr. Cole's sister just gave birth to her adorable baby boy. His sister got engaged 6 months before us, and was married 23 days before us. Yes, you heard it correct, Twenty Three Days.
Not even a full month before. She found out she was pregnant last year in March...right smack in the middle of her wedding planning! At first, we were all stunned. We really didnt' exactly think that the relationship was a solid one, and now, to top it off... A BABY!!?? I'm not going to lie, every inch of my body was just "happy" it wasn't me. Happy I wasn't the one, finding out- 6 months before my wedding that i was going to be giving birth...only 3 months after tying the knot. I was just...in that "ha ha, thank god I'm not the one walking down the aisle with a baby bump"...and i sure as hell-would HATE to prove my mom right....she still not OK with the fact that Mr. Cole and I moved in together...and were having "pre-marital sex"...to top that off...getting pregnant before my wedding! Oh god, I'm getting HOT just thinking about her reaction to that!
So now, 3 months after my wedding...this precious baby boy is born...and I've got it bad. Baby fever. When i see Mr. Cole hold this baby...his face just lights up! I can only imagine...how good of a father he is going to be one day...and i know, how good of a mother i am going to be.
And now, I've got this whole "blog" thing going, and EVERYWHERE I GO...PEOPLE ARE HAVING BABIES!!!!! Everyone is putting up, "belly pics"...and "nursery pics"...and I'm going GAGA-for babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've always been a very calculated person. I want things to happen, the way I WANT THEM TO HAPPEN...AND WHEN I WANT THEM TO HAPPEN. I know, i didn't want to have a baby before i got married...and I know...i wanted to wait at least 2 years...so i can travel...and get settled in...and be financially stable..etc etc. But...it's something so weird...I've never wanted something THIS bad. When i see babies...i am literally drawn to them....LIKE A MAGNET! I am drawn to their innocence...to their cries (i know, even THAT draws me closer)...to their odor, to their cuteness, their little hands, and little feet!
Having my sister in law have this baby...makes me want one...really bad. And...i hate that i do. I've even been playing with my birth control...like it's some sort of joke...like "oh, maybe if i miss a pill or 2, and it's "BY ACCIDENT"..."..SEE, THIS SORT OF STUFF HAS GOT ME GOING NUTS!
The day i got back from my honeymoon...was the day it all began. Everyone (and their mothers, literally) is asking "so, when are you going to have a baby?"....i mean, EVERYONE. Like...I know this is the next step, for a married couple...but DAMN! Can i live? Then, out of no where, this little guy is born..and BOOM...explosion of emotions and all that good stuff is spewing out of my body.
See, here is the thing. Mr. Cole decided that after the wedding, since we are in the process of buying the house (my mom is selling me a house of hers-more details of that later)...and bills would be a lot easier/less....we've decided to take a leap of faith, and have him go back to school. We decided, this was the best time...for him to get focused on his career...and for him to finish off college...before we actually DO have kids. Mr. Cole worked 2 jobs...and in order for him to go back to school, he needed to quit 1. So, he did. Therefore, Less MONEY and obviously...more on my shoulders. I've decided to take more on my plate, in order to get him started....you know, a jump start. Mr. Cole wants to be a police officer...and he needs just a few more credits and then he can take the exam and then start in the academy. So, he basically only needs about 1 more full year of college. That's not THAT long. But, with Baby on my brain...all i keep thinking is...this is just NOT the right time for something like this. I can't be selfish. It's not fair.
I've decided, I'm going to start off FRESH on my Birth Control this month...and not play with it. It's just, not the right time. And i guess, we can play with our new nephew and enjoy that time. I think, when the time is right, we'll both know...scary thing is....Mr. Cole wants one just as bad as I do! But, I've got to stay strong...the urge will eventually fade (I'm hoping)...and we can focus on ourselves first....for now. That way, when we do bring a sweet, precious, being into the world, we'll be more stable, and maybe, just maybe...i can be a stay at home mom!?! =)